| Adoptee's Voice |
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I was born in the state of New Jersey, 1966, and surrendered by my birth
mother to a Catholic adoption agency. At ten days old, I was placed into the
home of my adoptive family. My adoptive parents told me at a very early
age about my adoption status. I can't even remember when I was told—it's
something I've just always known. I do remember having to grow up with
absolutely no further knowledge about my origins. I was simply told there
were other parents, and yet, at the same time, I was expected to pretend
they didn't matter anymore—they didn't exist.
For me, I could never forget about these 'other' parents of mine. Who were
they, what did they look like and most importantly: Why did they give me
away?
I decided to search when I was 22 and quickly learned that my records
were sealed and had to forgo searching on my own. I joined ALMA, a search
organization and followed their advice and to the dismay of not only my
adoptive parents, but my birth mother's family and society in general, I
quickly found my birth mother. So many people chastised me for being
unloyal to my adoptive parents. Didn't they raise you? How could you do
such a thing to them? However, my birth mother was thrilled to be found
and we tentatively forged a relationship to the astonishment of my family
and hers.
Eleven years later, I was finally able to locate my birth father. Again, I
found myself faced with the same attitude of being ungrateful, selfish and
cruel to my adoptive family for wanting to not only know, but to again get to
know another birth relative. The year was 2001, and still this attitude
persisted.
Everyone thinks adoption has come a long way, and it has in certain
respects with a few more open adoptions being performed, but it remains
the same as records are sealed in 44 states. This creates enormous
problems for adult adoptees who wish to search. It's difficult and expensive
to locate lost family members when original birth records are sealed and
when adoption agencies refuse to give out identifying information. Adult
adoptees aren't allowed access to their own vital information, a right every
other citizen in the United States enjoys.
The views of society have also remained: Adoptees should only know
some information about their birth parents, enough to get on with their
lives, but adoptees should not develop relationships with their birth
relatives.
Why can't we find room in our hearts for more than one set of parents?
Don't parents have enough room in their hearts for more than one child?
This matter has touched me so deeply that I've written a memoir, The Sound
of Hope. My memoir vividly portrays what it's like growing up with so little
information and the repercussions of going against the grain after the
reunion when I maintained relationships with my birth relatives.
mother to a Catholic adoption agency. At ten days old, I was placed into the
home of my adoptive family. My adoptive parents told me at a very early
age about my adoption status. I can't even remember when I was told—it's
something I've just always known. I do remember having to grow up with
absolutely no further knowledge about my origins. I was simply told there
were other parents, and yet, at the same time, I was expected to pretend
they didn't matter anymore—they didn't exist.
For me, I could never forget about these 'other' parents of mine. Who were
they, what did they look like and most importantly: Why did they give me
away?
I decided to search when I was 22 and quickly learned that my records
were sealed and had to forgo searching on my own. I joined ALMA, a search
organization and followed their advice and to the dismay of not only my
adoptive parents, but my birth mother's family and society in general, I
quickly found my birth mother. So many people chastised me for being
unloyal to my adoptive parents. Didn't they raise you? How could you do
such a thing to them? However, my birth mother was thrilled to be found
and we tentatively forged a relationship to the astonishment of my family
and hers.
Eleven years later, I was finally able to locate my birth father. Again, I
found myself faced with the same attitude of being ungrateful, selfish and
cruel to my adoptive family for wanting to not only know, but to again get to
know another birth relative. The year was 2001, and still this attitude
persisted.
Everyone thinks adoption has come a long way, and it has in certain
respects with a few more open adoptions being performed, but it remains
the same as records are sealed in 44 states. This creates enormous
problems for adult adoptees who wish to search. It's difficult and expensive
to locate lost family members when original birth records are sealed and
when adoption agencies refuse to give out identifying information. Adult
adoptees aren't allowed access to their own vital information, a right every
other citizen in the United States enjoys.
The views of society have also remained: Adoptees should only know
some information about their birth parents, enough to get on with their
lives, but adoptees should not develop relationships with their birth
relatives.
Why can't we find room in our hearts for more than one set of parents?
Don't parents have enough room in their hearts for more than one child?
This matter has touched me so deeply that I've written a memoir, The Sound
of Hope. My memoir vividly portrays what it's like growing up with so little
information and the repercussions of going against the grain after the
reunion when I maintained relationships with my birth relatives.
| My Story |
| Anne 1967 |
|
The Heart & Soul of Adoption
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