There are millions of Americans who are affected by adoption—adoptees, birth parents, adoptive parents, and even friends and extended family members. Because there still remains many misconceptions about why adoptees and birth parents wish to eventually be reunited, I've written a memoir The Sound of Hope.
A good number of adoptive parents, and society in general, often feel that birth parents and adoptees don't have the right to search and be reunited. When a reunion does take place, the common view is for both parties to simply meet and then get on with their own lives. Birth parents are told, "Leave your biological children alone, let them live out their lives with the adoptive families", and the adoptees are told, "Forget your past, your adoptive parents are your real family now, don't be ungrateful." And yet, every time someone's adoption status is learned or a birth parent reveals their secret of relinquishing a child; the first question is, "Are you ever going to search?" and then, "Aren't you just dying to know where they are, what they look like?" Obviously searching is important and a basic human need, otherwise society wouldn't keep asking these questions over and over.
Adopted individuals and birth parents wish to find each other because there's simply an innate need to know. As an adoptee, there was a strong desire throughout my childhood to know where I came from and the reasons behind my adoption status. Birth parents need to know how their biological children are faring. As a mother of three children, I know I'd be devastated if life circumstances forced me to make the decision to place my own child for adoption. I too, like many birth parents, would be desperate for any information regarding my child and especially would want to someday have the opportunity for a reunion.
My sincerest wish is to show adoptive parents and society that it's unnatural for people to be separated from their family—whether biological or adoptive. When adoptees decide to search for their birth parents, it has nothing to do with the adoptive parents, but everything to do with filling an inner void, a natural and healthy tendency to know your own history.
Most importantly, I wish to spread the idea that adoptees can forge healthy relationships between their biological and adoptive families and it's in the emotional and psychological best interest of all parties in the adoption triangle to make this their goal.
It's time for my story to be told—the story of an adoptee living in the closed adoption system— being forced to pick sides—adoptive parents versus the birth parents. It's time for change...
Welcome to Anne's Adoptees's Voice! ...a place to share and connect with others touched by adoption.
Share your story at Adoptee's Voice. I'd like to include your experiences on this website whether you are an adoptee, birth parent or an adoptive parent. Send an e-mail to:
NEW JERSEY Senate Bill 611, The Adoptee Birthright Bill, sponsored by Senators Joe Vitale (D- Middlesex) and Diane Allen (R- Burlington) was released by a unanimous vote of the Committee on Health, Human Services and Senior Citizens on Thursday, January 24, 2008. Testimony was heard from Darryl “DMC” McDaniels, of Run-DMC Hip Hop fame, Adam Pertman, Director of the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, and Fred Greenman, AAC’s legal adviser. Anyone with a New Jersey connection who wants to help lobby for passage (either a current NJ resident, or a member of the adoption constellation who relinquished, was born or adopted a child in New Jersey) is encouraged to be in touch with pamhasegawa@gmail.com. For updates on bill status, please go to www.njleg.state.nj.us and enter S611 in the “Bill number” box, or go to www.nj-care.org for more information.
Listen to BlogTalkRadio about the upcoming memoir, The Sound of Hope